- Cashier: Oh my god he's got a gun!
- Me: No, it's a metaphor, see?
co-worker reading posts from FML and laughing out loud to each one like its 2009 or something
One of my favorite high school memories was the jock sitting next to me during English reading a “Fail” blog on the computer while we were working on essays, laughing, then asking me to explain it to him, over and over, laughing harder after I did. I’m not being condescending or mean when I say it was adorable, it was actually adorable.
I don’t care how much you care about music or how refined you think your tastes are, if somebody shows you music and they’re really happy about showing you music and you act like a dick about the music they like, you are just shit.
the idea that there are people who are “happy” is a lie made up by the government
step one: hey
step two: hey don’t
step three: hey don’t say that
what if a judge was playing basketball and slam dunked a gavel through the hoop and was like “court is adjourned”
like, what’s going on?
Just found out Hannibal Buress grew up on the street a block east of my house.